i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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