Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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