were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
