Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Let's get the cat blown out
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
