he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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