if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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