one might say we're banned from that church
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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