I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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