yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
