Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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