I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
