A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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