were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize