would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
