Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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