I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
