Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
