so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
