I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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