Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize