went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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