He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
