I'm so fucking centered right now
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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