there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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