Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
