Don't you send me to vm
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
