this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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