she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
