I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
