Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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