he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
