I want to make a zoo with you.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
