we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
