Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
