I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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