May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize