I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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