I'm so fucking centered right now
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dick very happy bro
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
