im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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