a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
