Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize