Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We have started to decorate penises.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
