i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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