Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
