White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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