I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
