can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize