My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
