oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
