I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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