My first STD was from a foam party
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
