im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
