what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
