I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize