Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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