Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
