Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
