ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
