I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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