Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
