He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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