I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
