oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
