hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
