When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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