I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
