Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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