so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
